Memo

TO: the world
FROM: little old me
SUBJECT: putting cards in your mouth

To whom it may concern:
It has come to my attention that some of you are in the habit of putting your library cards in your mouth while at the desk trying to check out books. I realize that trying to handle two armfuls of books with only one set of arms can be difficult, but this is no excuse. Try putting the books on the counter, and then getting your card out from your wallet. I know the sign says "Please have card ready," but I promise you that the clerk won't mind you taking the extra few seconds to get it out if it means not having to touch a slimy card. Try to see things from our perspective. You may have just held it in your teeth, or in some way tried to reduce the amount of slobber on the card, but the mouth is the most germ-filled place in the human body aside from maybe a child's hands, and once you put something in there, it enters the realm of untouchable. Ritual cleanings involving lots of soap can return the object to a state of cleanness, but it is really better to avoid the issue entirely. Thank you for your consideration, and I know things will improve if we all make an effort. If you need me, I will be in the restroom, bathing in hand sanitizer.